Monday 16 January 2012

Mind the gutter (NSFW, probably)

There used to be a time when sex was an everyday part of my life. No, I don't mean I was 'doing it' every day (chance would be a fine thing), but I was either reading, writing, watching or talking about it. For most people rocking up into the office and turning on their computer means they're usually faced with the same old desktop - a cute animal of some sort, or a favourite holiday snap to remind them that there's a goal to the dreary existence that makes earning money all worthwhile - but for me turning up to work on a morning I would be faced with images of tits or close ups of a woman's fanny.

We'd then sit and discuss the finer points of using sexual lubricants during foreplay, if the latest designer sex toy really is that good because it only made me come twice in five minutes, or whether it's acceptable to wake your partner up by fucking them or whether that amounts to some form of relationship rape as they're technically not conscious to consent. (This is still to be resolved or clarified, feel free to wade in.) These were every day discussions and points of interest, and I've been missing it.

Obviously when I was working in the school I had to keep quiet about where I used to work or some of the things I'd write about. There were a few people I told, perhaps because I liked to shock them, I liked that reaction when they went, "Oh my word! And now you work in a school, that's a bit of a change," and yes, quite frankly it was; it was a change that forced me to clean up my act and watch my mouth and be grown up and honestly, it was so unsexy.

Thankfully though, the last few days I've been putting my filth hat back on and am happy to trip back into the gutter. I still have plenty of sex feature ideas in my file left over from Scarlet that I've had chance to go back over and rehash into better ideas. I've been writing some of my own erotic fiction. Granted this has never been my strong point, but I find it fun to write for myself so I've been doing that.

Today I put together a sex-related pitch that I hope will get me into a national women's magazine and then have been researching another, but can't say I've had much success. Apparently there aren't many logical, good reasons to get naked everyday, other than showering, if you're a naturist or if you're an egotistical sod. I mean there are no obvious health or well-being benefits so I may have to prod and probe to create my own!

I've managed to unearth many illogical ones though, such as World Naked Gardening Day (it's on Saturday May 5th in case you were wondering, and no it's not something I'll be covering on the gardening website) which appears to be nothing more than encouraging people to get their kit off in the garden for a day and there's no 'political agenda' behind it, or reason. It's just a get naked and do a bit of gardening day. Hardly a good enough reason to get nude, imagine all the nettles if you've got a garden full or weeds, or all the pricks you could get. From the rose bushes I mean...

I found stuff on naked changing room etiquette, that getting naked in front of your partner everyday can help keep the romance....oh wait hang on, that might actually work for the article. Again, knowing whether it's good to strip off in front of your brother (er, no) or if it will help you get laid by your neighbour who happens to be a swinger, is not particularly useful to me and then I just knew it was going wrong when I got into all of the 'abused naked' regions of Google's dark side and decided to stop looking.

I mean there's being in the gutter and enjoying a bit of filth and nuddy fun, but then there's places you should never go. At least not for the articles I want to write, then they're practically tame in comparison to some people's debauched minds.

It feels good to put at least one foot back in the gutter for now.

RoseC -x-

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