I have never had a pedicure.
There. I've said it and this is not something I'm proud of now that summer seems to be in full swing and my feet are on display. Lots. Even daily I would say. It's now far too hot for socks.
Usually I'm not so fussed with such tedious beauty regimes as getting my feet scrubbed and toe nails polished, but when I looked down at my pinkies the other day I was horrified by what I saw. I can only apologise to any small children in South London that are naturally closer to the ground, thus nearer to my feet and forced to suffer the horror! Glancing downwards my eyes were greeted by scarred, blistered toes, cracked heals and hair!
Since when did my feet get so hairy?!
Ok, I wouldn't say that I'm hobbit level yet, but there are noticeable long strands of hair on my big toes. Upon examination of my boyfriend's feet I'd say I rival him and I'm yet to see any of my girlfriends with toe-hair as long as mine. (I bet it's not as glossy either...)
Is it acceptable to Immac toes?
Generally I wouldn't care about the state of my feet at all, but I've noticed that the condition of them has become increasingly worse over the last year. This could be down to the many 12 hour shifts I do in the sex shop, or that I've found it harder to give up my favourite pair of trainers and it's not exactly been the weather for flip-flops ("thongs" for my Aussie readers) or sandals until very, very recently.
Last week I dared to wear out a pair of, what I thought were comfortable, sandals. They have a back to them, so no one would be able to see the hideous cracking and dead skin on my heels. Skin that rather than really do anything about, I like to pick at a bit at a time for a good hour or so each night. Sorry. Anyway, I wore these sandals and they only added to my foot strife. They dug in and caused huge blisters on each of my little toes. One of them even bled. They remained open wounds for about three days and now I have matching large scabs on each foot.
At least my new foot design still makes them look like a pair.
I once went to a fetish club (yeah, you're gonna like this story) and a man put the whole of my foot in his mouth. I kid you not, he basically deep-throated it. It was slightly disconcerting, but rather impressive at the same time. I imagine it was nothing like having those little fish nibble at your heals, but I've never done the fish thing before, so I wouldn't know. (Weirder than a stranger sucking your feet or not?) He said that although I had "quite wide feet", he thought they were very lovely.
I tried not to be offended by his obvious distress at my slightly wider feet, because I know that feet with a bit more girth just isn't feminine. I know this because when shoe shopping there are very few nice women's styles tailored for wide fit femmes. Usually I try a pair of attractive new heals - or even trainers for that matter - and my little toes shamefully protrude through the side of the leather.
Two years on and I'm pretty sure that if the chap from the fet club saw my feet again, he wouldn't touch them with a barge pole. Width would be the last of his worries.
So, unless anyone has the spare cash to fly me to a sandy beach for a week - because that's how long it takes for natural sand to sort your feet out...ahem... - I'll be resigning myself to trying to sort the issue myself and whip these little piggy's into shape before the sun sets on summer. Tips welcome!
