Friday 27 February 2015

Tomboys are sluts, suggests (dubious) new research

Ok, so researchers at King's College London may not have used the 's' word, but...

Tomboys, regardless of sexuality, are more promiscuous

Apparently. The study has shown that women who had tomboy tendencies when they were younger, generally have more lovers when older.

It leads me to wonder that if...

I am tomboy, therefore I slut [it up]


Warning: I am not about to offer a balanced or serious view of this 'scientific' finding and you'll quickly see why.

The 'Science'

Researchers questioned almost 500 pairs of twins (always with the twins in these studies) and asked whether they were attracted to men or women, how many lovers they'd had and about their "levels of childhood gender non-conformity".

Because, ya know, that's what we all think about when we're kids: I'm not going to fit my gender stereotype so that I *might* be more likely to fuck more people when I'm older. Pfft. 

From the study, the Kings College boffins concluded that those women with the 'tomboy gene' (I know, right, seriously, who knew we had a gene all of our own?!) had more sexual partners than those that didn't.

Results from the study suggest that the gene that causes women (gay and straight) to act in a masculine way, is the same one that causes them to be more promiscuous. Analysis showed that around 30% of a woman's sexuality is defined by her genes, while the other 70% is apparently down to lifestyle factors: peer pressure, social ideologies, conditions in the womb.

(Kinda interesting if it's true, but all sounds a bit vague.)

As long as there are hetero tomboys, there will also be lesbians

Riiiight.

I should point out at this stage that I read about this tomboys = sluts thing on the Daily Mail, so lets take this bit with a whole sack of salt. Also, I've been unable to track down the original King's College paper on the topic to see if this is true. Either way, this bit made me laugh in a WTF kinda way...

'The finding helps explain why homosexuality doesn’t die out, even though lesbian couples are not able to naturally have children carrying the genes of each partner.
This is because straight tomboys have more lovers than others – and so the ‘tomboy DNA’ stays in circulation, according to the study carried out by a team from King’s College London.'


Just let that sink in for a minute and try not to hit the palm of your hand on your forehead too hard. 

Is this serious?!

Really, I think this all sounds like a crock of shit. Unsurprisingly, there have been very few other news outlets to cover the story and it's questionable as to how seriously the scientific community will take the researchers findings. 

Wednesday 11 February 2015

Compliments. They're a two-way street

I want to begin this post by telling you, my reader, that I think you are wonderful. I believe this because you have taken the time to read my blog and for that, I believe you are brilliant.

How did you react to the (very much heartfelt) compliment?

I ask this because I recently read on Buzzfeed about a 'social experiment' where the understanding of giving and accepting a compliment seems to have gone a bit awry. This made me sad and annoyed. I believe that there are few things in life (not including chocolate and sex) that will make someone feel as good as when you pay them an honest compliment, no matter how simple it is. 

"That sweater looks great on you."
"You did an excellent job."
"I just want to tell you I think you're beautiful."
"You are gorgeous."
*Wolf whistle*

Paying a compliment to someone can be such a wonderfully simple thing to do, yet leave them feeling on top of the world for the rest of the day and I hate the idea of "the art of complimenting" being abused and misused by both compliment giver (CG) and compliment receiver (CR), so I'd like to address a few things.

The compliment experiment 

Basically, in a nut-shell, a woman that received compliments from chaps online when using Twitter, Tumblr and other social media decided to stop ignoring the messages from these men, because when she did she would get called "rude" or a "bitch". 

Her reason for not responding to said messages, was because the majority of the time she didn't know the people that were paying her the compliments. Kind of fair enough.

Fed up of this abuse, she decided to respond by agreeing with the CG and acknowledging that she "does have nice eyes", or "yep" she knows she's amazing. The hope was that by doing this, she'd no longer get abuse because she's accepting the compliment and agreeing with them.

The result: the CG's began to call her "vain" and "full of herself". You can read the messages and responses here.

Knowing how to take a compliment 

Learning how to accept a compliment doesn't come easily to everyone. I totally appreciate that. Some people graciously accept what's been said. Others blush a little and try to find something equally as nice to say in response. Then there are those that totally ignore it, because they're completely thrown and believe this person must be talking out of their backside to say such a nice thing. 

In my experience, compliments work best when they're a two-way street. A compliment is given by one person and then acknowledged by the other and usually a simple "thank you" completes the transaction and everyone goes away feeling happy and satisfied.

What I think was missing from the majority of the responses in the 'social experiment' was that simple "thank you". It's one thing to acknowledge and agree with what's been said, but then it's general manners and politeness to say, "ta very much" afterwards.

And I don't want to get into the whole sexist debate here of, "Well, why should a woman be obligated to show gratitude for a compliment she didn't even ask for?", because:
a) it doesn't matter what gender you are, being polite should be common human nature and 
b) when are compliments ever asked for? That's sort of the whole point of compliments. You don't/shouldn't expect them. You can't predict them, so when you're given one it's just as much a measure of your character as CR and how you react, as it is of the CG when they give it.

I'd be interested to see how different the responses would be if more of those women that took part and accepted the compliments said "thank you" in their reply. Granted, there are a few where they did use TY's and they still got abuse, but then clearly the CG is disingenuous in their compliment and that's doing just as much of a disservice to "the art of complimenting" so their anomaly results in this experiment in my opinion.

All I'm saying, is that whenever I've been given a compliment and responded with "thank you, that's nice of you to say," or "thank you, so I've been told," I've never then been called a vain bitch straight after. (At least not to my face.)

But what about the sleazy weirdos?

Yeah, alright, I get it. Not every compliment from every person is a welcome one. Not all of them will give you that spring in your step for the rest of the day, because their compliment suggests something more, well...basically they're being pervy. 

We've all been there, we all know it happens and wish it didn't, because then you have to go through that awkward thing of accepting it, or not accepting it, or should you tweet Everyday Sexism because you're outraged that someone noticed you have nice tits and decided to tell you about it.

No, no you shouldn't tweet them is the answer because, you know what, you do have nice tits. Especially in that nice new bra you bought and it's not a crime against humanity that another person noticed it. 

Seriously though, I know what you mean, it's not ideal when this happens and the phrasing of a compliment is probably the most important element in this whole transaction, because it will dictate to some extent how the CR responds. 

However, in my opinion, even when the CG's language is crass and pretty forward, you still shouldn't be a dick about it. If they're already obviously a dick, then don't make it you're mission to be the bigger dick. A small smile, or I generally find a little tip-of-the-hat salute type thing to acknowledge it, suffices. This way it's over and done within seconds and then you can all get on with your day and no one has lost too much face.

So there we go. Only give compliments when you really mean them. Be polite when you receive them and "the art of the compliment" will continue to make us all happier, kinder people. 

RoseC x