Sex Journalism: A crazy ambition?

Doing face to face interviews is a rare occurrence for me. I'm not sure why this is as I always enjoy them more if I can sit and chat with the person. Anyway, today was one of those rare times when I got to actually go and see someone and do an interview with them. It was with a male porn star - I think only the second male adult performer I've ever interviewed, so it was quite an experience and nice to get the other side of the story. The majority of the time it's women from the adult industry that I interview.

Sadly, I can't go into the in's and outs of my interview with him here (at the moment) as it all needs to go to press and stuff first, but we got on well. Cheekily he tried to turn the tables a few times and get me to answer a few questions, most of which I did in a very broad manner without giving too much away about myself, but there was one question he asked and it kind of threw me. He asked, "What's your ambition, there must be an end goal and something you want to achieve?"

At the time I wasn't sure how to answer it. One of the reasons I started this blog was in the hope that it would give me somewhere to put down a few ideas and maybe from that a direction would emerge about my career and what I want to do. It is starting to...I think.

Sitting on the train home, I thought about this question more. I thought about what it is that I enjoy writing and why I write. Looking at my portfolio my subject of choice is pretty obvious, although there are times I crave to write abut stuff other than sex, but why do I choose to write on this subject primarily? Well, thinking back to a slightly drunken conversation I had with a friend of mine last year, what I really want and what I think my ambition is, is for people, everyone, to have good sex.

Mostly I write because there's a lot of bad sex journalism out there. I don't want to be a "sexpert", I don't want to be a psychologist, a relationship councillor or body language expert. My ambition is to be the journalist that takes the time to properly hunt out those people to give good, honest sex advice and create features, articles, stories and books that bring the right, best and most enjoyable aspects of sex to the page.

I want to do this because I give a shit, because I think sex gets a lot of bad press or seedy press or is just used as a fad and so often everything that's fanfuckingtastic about it is overlooked.

So there, I guess that's my ambition. I want to be that journalist.

The Winds Of Change

Currently I'm experiencing something new in my freelance career: the (potential) cancelling of one of my regular columns. It sort of came as a surprise, but not entirely and I have mixed feelings about it. Columns, contributions and commissions get cut all of the time I'm sure, but it's yet to have happened to me and I'm what? Two years in at the most? That's not bad going really.

At the moment I'll avoid saying which publication may be canning the feature I write as it's not 100 percent confirmed, but when the issue was raised last week I felt a little bit crestfallen to begin with. They had sort of thrown it open to me, in a very round about way, asking if I'd like to continue writing it and part of me did and part of me didn't. In the end I decided to think on it for a few days.

So I took the weekend and stewed it over. Mostly I've come to the conclusion, depending on the editor's final decision, that this particular feature has run it's course. Realising that actually gave me a bit of a thrill. It's been a while since I've approached any new publications - online or print - and flexed my digits around some different writing styles. There are a couple of projects that appear to be drawing to a close at the moment and on the whole, rather than feel panicked, it's actually quite refreshing.

I apologise for sounding hugely clichéd right there.

Pretty much since my freelancing career began I've been writing for the same titles. This is partly for financial security reasons, partly because they've been on-going projects that have afforded me opportunities to develop a few new skills. It would have been silly to stop any of them in their tracks just because I'd been working on/for certain companies for a year or so.

On the other hand, part of the beauty of freelancing is having the chance to chop and change and test the waters with lots of different publications should I desire to do that and I definitely think that's one area of this whole freelance journalism malarkey I'm yet to really put to the test and experiment with. Although it's sad to loose a regular column - and one that I actually really enjoyed writing - I'd rather see this as a positive. It will free up a bit more of my time each month so I can explore other avenues.

So, it's a little bit out with the current and in with the new and so far the breeze seems to be fairly warm and inviting. Will have to 'watch this space' though.

Over and out for now.
RoseC -x-

Twitchy

ARGH! I've got that thing this evening where I've been writing all day, but it's mostly been massively mundane stuff and now I feel I need to write something all insightful and creative, but because of the more cardboard writing I've been doing I'm actually a little bit brain dead. It's that thing where what you're writing is probably a completely ramble, but it feels so nice (from a writer's point of view) to just get it out of your fingers and your head and write something that, despite being a bit nothingness, at least requires a bit more thought and free flow than the rigid, dull, structured stuff you've been doing for the rest of the day. Any other writers/creative people reading this and know what I mean.

this is going to sound lame, but it's like you need to let all the lovely words and phrases pour out of your finger tips that you've been unable to use during the day. I guess now would be a good time to have a go at that 'flow poetry' malarkey, which I'm usually not very good at. Perhaps that's what I'll sit and do this evening.

Really I wanted to write a blog about networking and press events. I have this really insightful and thoughtful blog I'd like to write in regards to that side of my job, but tonight is not the night to do that. When I do write it, I'd like it to be useful, maybe even provoke some sort of debate between PRs and journalists. Ooh, me being controversial!

As it is, my fingers are feeling twitchy and my brain needs to splurge, so here it is and the more I type the more relieved I'm feeling. Reckon a few more sentences and I'll be feeling suitably satisfied. Writing blurb copy for sex toys all day just doesn't cut it in the satisfying stakes in the same way a juicy feature or blog would. Anyway, this is feeling good. My fingers and brain are beginning to feel appeased. I'm not even going to read this back you know until after I've hit post. I'm a rebel. I know! What can I say? Ooh...wait a minute...

Ah, that feels better :-)

Consider myself de-twitched (and I didn't even have any coffee today!).

Interesting Feature

Don't think I shared this when it went live, so I shall do it now...

A few weeks ago I was asked by a company to write a feature focusing on the notion that the hotel industry is in a unique position to promote a safe sex message. The audience would be boutique hoteliers. It was quite a challenge, but extremely interesting. Anyway, here's the outcome, see what you think and please feel free to leave comments here on whether stocking condoms in hotel rooms is a good idea or not...

How hoteliers can sell the idea of sex

The At-Work Hangover

Whether you work in an office, or work from home; are an employee or self-employed, there is one thing we can all agree on: working with a hang over is really, really rubbish.

Unless you're t-total, every over 18 year old will, at some point, have experienced that hideous phenomenon of the 'at-work hangover'. From the moment the alarm goes off and you wake up with dry mouth, a dull "ow" in your head and the complete annoyance that even though you slept like a log, alcohol induced sleep has not provided you with the rest you needed, to the moment you sit down at your desk and start clock watching for it to be 5pm, there are few non-torture related pains in this world that are worse than the 'at-work hangover'.

Ohh, why did I have that extra beer?

Was that sixth smooth, hoppy pint in the cosy pub on a cold autumn day really worth it?

Does the fact that it's a Monday - that's right it's only freaking MONDAY! - and you're starting the long working week feeling like you could curl up and sleep under your desk, not leave you feeling a little bit dirty and ashamed?

Yes, yes it does...

All the good work of relaxing at the weekend has been undone by the 'at-work hangover', which only serves to remind you how long it is until the next weekend and so there are all of the trials and stresses of the entire working week to face before then.

Then there's the guilt...

Oohh the guilt! The guilt that wracks me to my very core. How could I be so foolish that with all of the work I know I must do, I have to complete and get through, but now nothing, that's right nothing, will be achieved with this 'at-work hangover' sitting over me.

The day is spent doing menial tasks, or taking longer to do the simple things until the fizzy make feel good kicks in so there might be at least half a chance to do the harder things. If suffering in an office, there's also the tricky business of making it appear to your colleagues that you're not completely inept. Keep them onside with extra offers of tea rounds, which a) makes you look really lovely and b) gives you precious moments away from the desk, computer, work space so that you might compose yourself or at least have allowed another 15 minutes of this day where time drag to have ticked by.

Yes, cosy Sunday drinking has a lot to answer for.  

No Generation Can Own Sex

There are some things in life that really get your goat and last week I discovered a new one. It's a phrase that has the ability to make my blood boil and it goes something a little bit like this:

"My generation invented sex."

 

Now, there are clearly several things that are very wrong with anyone uttering this statement, but first let me contextualise the situation for you...

 

I attended a 'Slut Night', which was a group of women - mainly journalists - all sat in a room discussing the meaning of the word "slut". There were debates as to whether women should or could reclaim the word, the idea of 'slut shaming', the changed meaning of slut, celebrity slut, UKIP and sluts and slutty life experiences. The speakers for the evening were generally aged between 20 and 40 and the age of the audience varied widely beyond that, however I don't want to get hung up on age, although the woman in question who spoke the above sentence seemed to think it was important.

 

She was, by her own admission, living the dream of the sexually liberated 60's. Throughout all of the other talks given, she sat at the back of the room and chuntered and moaned about what these younger speakers were saying. Granted, no one could agree with everything that was being said, but then that's the point of a debate is it not? The problem was how dismissive she was of some people's experiences or understanding of the word "slut", perhaps just because it was different to her own. Under her breath, although loud enough for those sitting near her to hear, she explained how she "despaired at this generation" and our understanding of sex. Ouch.

 

So, although not scheduled to speak, she wangled her way on the bill. After the spiel about her being part of the 60s feminist movement, it was then she said, "My generation invented sex."

 

My palm hit my forehead and I let out a sign in complete, utter, despair and sadness.

 

Now you know the background, which is important, because although this is not a new phrase and people for decades have boasted that they "invented sex dhhaarling", it obviously had a lot to do with the manner, tone and environment in which it was delivered and that is what grates on me and that is why I think it's important not to sweep this under the carpet.

 

If people of one generation can think the experience of any other generation is less important or gives cause to "despair", and it's women judging women in this way, then I can not see how aspects of women's sexual revolution can progress further, because we have such a massive lack of understanding about each other and what sex means to different women from different decades.  

 

The statement is simply incorrect. No one, single generation can claim to have invented sex. They can claim to have discovered new techniques, new science or knowledge around the idea of sex that may make it better or worse, but to brazenly claim you invented it and whatever two people were doing before that involved them rolling around naked together in a state of arousal was something "other", because obviously sex hadn't been invented, is ludicrous.

 

Add to this the fact that it's condescending. By using this phrase you are somehow suggesting that the sex women are having today is less thrilling or incorrect. Shit, ARE WE JUST NOT DOING IT RIGHT?!

 

When something has been invented it is new, it's exciting, you put your own stamp on it. In fact, the woman in question did go on to say "there is nothing new, we did it all before" and that is just outright patronising. Yes, you may have done it before, you may have done it earlier, but every person - I'm speaking female or male, or trans or queer or asexual - has to come to their own conclusion and understanding about sex, what it is and how to do it. Sex is being invented or reinvented every day by every single person experimenting with it in their own manner.

 

A perfect example of how sex has actually been changed, or how one generation has something new or different to deal with is The Internet.

 

For those loved up, sexually liberated lot of the 60s, 70s and even most of the 80s in fact, they didn't have the experience of trying to get their head around how the Internet affected their understanding and exploration of sex. Connecting women globally it gave them access to information and images, some of it good and some of it bad, like never before. Sex on the Internet is an invention and through this invention it has changed the perception of certain sexual attitudes and ideas, such as the idea of slut.

 

It makes me sad that anyone would try to stamp a claim on sex in this way, or try to state that the experience of one decade, era or generation is more important to the movement of women's sexual liberation than another. You may not agree or understand everything that generation does, but it doesn't make it any less important.

 

 I am thankful for the experience of those that grew up experimenting in the 60s. I'm also thankful for the debates that were had in the 80s around Madonna or Boy George on sex and sexuality. I hope, good grief I really hope, that all of the writing, speaking, campaigning, documentary film making that my generation are doing now to ensure a bigger, better, wider understanding of female sexuality, will be of some help to the next generation and that everything new, different or changed that we have had to trial and error, love or loathe, will help them to go on and have better sex.  

 



Switching Off: Not Even A Holiday Can Stop ME!

When I tell people that I work from home, the most common reaction I get is, "Ooh, I couldn't do that. I'd get easily distracted by things to do around the house, or just wouldn't bother getting out of bed 'til late."

Surprisingly, what I've so-far found in my short, work-from-home freelance career is that it's amazingly easy to not be a lazy fucker, especially when you see the state of your bank balance at the end of the month. So, it's not the getting motivated that's the problem, it's the learning when to stop and switch off that I find tougher. There is no home-time bell, no contracted hours, no office manager or building security chap to say, "it's time to stop and go home."

I've been learning and realising that knowing when to stop requires just as much discipline as getting started.

Recently I've had the opportunity to sink my teeth into some meaty articles and I've really enjoyed researching and writing them. As I touched on in a recent post, some days I simply sit and read for work. I can do this for hours before consolidating what's relevant to put into the piece I'm working on. Finally, I've been fully enjoying and loving what I do and I've become more confident too, taking on more and more projects. Apologies, I don't mean to sound smug, I know there are a good many people stuck in jobs they wish they weren't and trust me, I know how that feels. It's taken a lot of "uhm'ing" and "ah'ing" and much soul searching and questioning my career options, before finally getting to this stage and now I'm reluctant to let it go.

Last week the boyfriend and I went on holiday to Fuerteventura. Yes, it was lovely thank you for asking, but I found it hard to stop and relax which I thought was weird and a bit unsettling. I'd been gagging for this holiday before we went away having not taken any real time off since January. There were a whirlwind of deadlines I needed to meet before we caught our flight and it was all go, go, GO! in my little home office. I loved it because it felt like being on press and that's definitely something I miss about not working on staff at a magazine. A bit of pressure never did any journalist any harm.

For the first two/three days of being on holiday, I couldn't relax. My phone was off, there were no emails to check, no press events to go to, articles to write or edit. My only job was to sit. Read (something not work related). Relax. I found that hard at first and it made me anxious, having the total reverse effect of what "a holiday" is designed to do.

A few ice creams and a dune buggy adventure ride around the volcanoes later and I was managing to get into the swing of it. By this time is was Wednesday rolling into Thursday; we were due to fly back on Saturday. Still, I did get some days of R&R, feeling the most tranquil when I was at the beach, floating and swimming in the crystal clear ocean.

Do you know the first thing I did when we got back to the UK though? Correct, I turned on my phone and checked my work email. We hadn't even got to baggage reclaim and it was a Saturday. There was no reason why I couldn't have waited to check until Monday. It was my boyfriend's reaction that possibly prompted me to question my ability to switch off, when he said: "So that's it then? Holiday over?" I felt bad. I'd definitely screwed up the work/life balance on that occasion.

Since being back I've worked until 8pm or 9pm every night and my mind has been ticking over with readings and ideas all the time I'm not sat at my laptop. I know, I know! There will be some people out there thinking, 'Is that it? I work until 2 or 3 in the AM,'. Well, that's fine, but I am definitely more of a lark than an owl. Give me an early, productive start over a late finish any time.

Slipping back into work-mode has been so easy and I've got a whole new set of projects to start now. There are also some interesting looking events I'm going to over the next month, again all work-related, and although I'm excited by them I'm conscious of the fact that a lot of my conversation, socialising and evenings are still me being switched on for work.

Definitely, one of the biggest pitfalls, or toughest things to get right is a life/work balance.

RoseC -x-