Thursday 19 December 2013

Condom Monologue

In my line of work you often stumble across some very interesting websites. I'll leave it to your imagination to think up where some of my web browsing sessions lead me and, yes, more often than not it is unsavoury, but never illegal I hasten to add!

There has been one very lovely website that I discovered recently that I would like to share with you, called Condom Monologues. It's exactly as it sounds: people from around the world, sharing their loves, hates and experiences with rubbers. Some are funny, some are sad and some are damn right outrageous, but the best thing is that the site is another cog in the greater machine that is adult sex education and positive awareness to safe sex methods. They also all come with an excellent illustration, or animation of some kind.

Having read many of them, I felt inspired to contribute my own condom monologue, which you can read here. How cool is the animation of the flying carpet and condoms?! (Answer: very). Writing about rain hats seems to be a bit of a theme at the moment, as I also recently had a piece published in Adult Sport magazine on why condoms are great. If possible, I'll put the PDF up on RosemCrompton.com once the mag has come off shelf.

That's all for now and don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the tomboy articles. I have big plans for it in the New Year, so I hope to update that series soon.

RoseC -x- 

Friday 6 December 2013

Staking a claim on the tomboy label (Pt 1)


When beginning this (mini) project, I did what all great modern researches do when needing a starting point: I Googled it. Yesterday I discussed whether the term is age specific, or if it can be used more broadly and if it's the latter, then just who else is using the label “tomboy” and how?
As it's a label I'm both comfortable with and proud of, I was hoping for loads of really cool, fun, interesting and informative sites touting the tomboy banner. What I found, however, was actually a bit of a let down.

Stick 'tomboy' in the Google search bar and the results you get all look samey at first. It's fashion this, fashion that, or tomboy as a trend, but not a lifestyle or way of thinking. This worried me. Perhaps that's all the term “tomboy” has become now: simply another fashion label that passes in and out of our consciousness as and when designers and the high-street see fit. Certainly this is the case when it comes to shopping for clothes. Some seasons I find it a cinch to shop the high-street for what I like and feel comfortable in. Other times it's nigh impossible.

Although frustrating at first, I refused to think that could be it. Tomboy on the whole world wide web simply could not be confined to a fashion trend, could it? There had to be more out there than fashion tumblr's and pintrest boards of women wearing tomboy-esque clothing. Where was the writing? The literature? The gender debate?

Ok, so none of that was to be found on pages 2-10 of Google either, but I did discover that “tomboy” is also a band, an Australian cafe, a professional note taking app, a solo musician, a DIY tool kit and lessons for women, and That's MyTomboy is a lesbian beauty pageant in the Philippines.

This last find, about tomboy becoming a term used within the lesbian community, is new to me. I've heard lesbians in my social circle describe themselves in many ways – lipstick, butch, dyke, “just a lezzer” - but not tomboy. Would love to hear your thoughts at the end of this blog, or Tweets (@RoseC_Leic) on this and what it means within the gay community. I'd like to expand on this in a later post as I only have experience of it in a heterosexual context and think it's interesting/potentially negative if an entertainment show is trying to 'normalise' lesbian by using a masculine noun, thus sticking a hetero angle on it to make it more socially acceptable. See where I'm going with this...? Either way, it's new to me and so I'd like to know more.

That was probably the most interesting find. The Tomboy Tools just pissed me off. Why, if you think women need to break free of patriarchal stereotypes that they can't do DIY and need a man around the house, would you then go and make your whole range pink? A stupid, girly, baby pink at that. The mind boggles and I left that site feeling patronised and hoped that I didn't come across any other wanky miss-uses of the label I so love.

There were a few 'diary of a tomboy' type articles on some feminist websites and what it was like when one tomboy donned a dress for charity, but these all echo the idea from yesterday about tomboy being an age specific term.

So, it will be a lot of reading for me this weekend to get my head around tomboy as a label for hetero and gay women and will try to tackle that next week. Watch this space, but let me know if you've come across any other weird, wonderful or simply infuriating bullshit that has tried to stake a claim on tomboy.

I think it's fast becoming clear that the aim here is that we at least reclaim the term from fashion and get to the crux of the idea that it's a lifestyle and the fashion is simply one part of it. What d'ya reckon?

Thursday 5 December 2013

Is it possible to be a tomboy in your twenties?


Note: This will be the first blog post to deal with the idea of "tomboy" as I try to flesh out thoughts around a bigger (potential) project. This single post will in no way try to cover the whole concept of "tomboy" and/or gender labelling.

Over the last few months I've been thinking a lot about the definition of "tomboy". It started as a dinner conversation with some girlfriends, each of us discussing what we were like as kids. All of us admitted that we were quite tomboyish, but would still do some girly things. I then took it further and asked if any of them would still consider themselves tomboys? All of them thought for a moment, then conceded that possibly, in some ways, yeah, they were, but we're all older now so it's different.

This got me thinking, because I would still very much call myself a tomboy. If I had to be handed a label, that is what I'd want mine to be and I'd wear it with pride, but is it weird for someone in their (late) twenties to call themselves a tomboy? Conjure up an image of a tomboy and usually you imagine a grubby-faced little girl in boy-like clothes. It's very much a term reserved for younger people.

Even the OED (2006) describes the term as: 'a girl who enjoys rough, noisy activities traditionally associated with boys'. Use of the term 'girl' and 'boy' further supports that connotation of it being a label belonging to the young and as every 'girl' grows into a woman, so she grows out of what we ideologically think being a tomboy is.

It could be (strongly) argued that because 'boy' is used in the word, that this is why it's reserved for the young and I can see the rationale in that. As much as I'd like to coin and claim the term “tomman” for us older tomboys, I just don't think it sends the right message. Plus it sounds like a Geordie simply calling for his mate Tom.

Perhaps to further prove my point about it being an age-related idea, I was made aware of a segment on BBC Radio 4'sWoman's Hour today, which included a 10 minute discussion on tomboy, made relevant by the re-release/UK release of a French film titled 'Tomboy'. Again, this film is about a 10 year old girl, that spends the summer pretending to be a boy. After I've watched it, this may warrant a blog post of it's own.

The guests on Radio 4 included Helen Moss, a children's author that has included a tomboy-esque character in her latest series and psychologist Claire Halsey. The discussion opened with a passage from The Famous Five, when Georgina makes it clear she'd rather be called George. Moss then discusses the child figure in her book and Halsey makes comment on the psychological behaviour of young girls wanting to act like boys and young people and “gender difficulties”.

All of the points of reference in literature, or anecdotal, only referred to pre-teen girls behaving in a tomboyish manner. Well, what about being a 'post-teen tomboy'? Is it assumed that women, because they don't tear around the block on their bikes (or maybe not as often as when we were younger), or climb as many trees, or make mud pies that they stop being a tomboy? Or is it that they've become more comfortable with wearing skirts and dresses and owning a handbag and therefore the label “tomboy” becomes moot, because they've shown some level of femininity?

If it is, then I don't agree with it. Trying to tackle clearly what tomboy is once you're past the age of six gets difficult, but I will try to unpick it across several blog posts. I know it definitely isn't pink and frilly though. That still stands for any self-proclaimed tomboy no matter how old you are. It's not just about fashion, or how grubby you get, or even how macho you try to be. Taking a hunt around the internet, I think Tomboy Tarts over in the States is about as close as I can find to a relevant post-teen tomboy definition right now, but I wouldn't fully agree with everything they put on their manifesto either.

Whenever asked to clarify what I mean by calling myself a “tomboy” now, I always respond with, “well, I'm not a girly-girl,” and an adult girly-girl seems easier for people to picture, so they quickly get some idea of what the opposite entails. I guess, somehow, that's a good starting point for defining the Post-Teen Tomboy.
 
Please feel free to quote anything from this blog, but credit RoseC (www.rosemcromton.com).

Wednesday 4 December 2013

Please pass me that brick wall

It's been one of those days today folks. You know the kind, why it never really gets started, because there is one obstacle after another so what you planned to do is waylaid by a few minutes, then an hour, then another two hours. Before you know it, it's four o'clock and you're still trying to resolve the task that should have taken 10 minutes, because it turns out it's actually a lot more serious than you first thought.

Urgh. Guess that's hump day for you! Stupid Wednesdays. It's interesting how my sound track to today has evolved over the hours as I went from upbeat that it'll all be fine, to increasingly frustrated.

My soundscape started off rather mellow and refined. As I worked on my latest porn feature I had Classic FM on the go. If ever you need to feel inspired, or especially creative, I recommend that station. Listening to great composers definitely has the ability to spark ideas and inspiration. Either that, or it leaves you feeling like you've climbed a rung on the class ladder.

My day went a bit silent in the middle as I took phone calls, relayed information (searched for a brick wall) then sat quietly as I reflected on what I needed to do and what would be the best course of action.

Pilates snapped me out of it. There was some get up and go, pumping music playing quietly in the background. It was just enough to get me stretching with more vigour. I returned home thinking, it's fine. Now I've been out for a bit there will be some good news waiting for me.

There wasn't. There was no news.

From then, until now it's been all about the metal of the heaviest variety. I'm a goth at heart. I spent most of my teenage years dressed in black (not much has changed), so sticking on some metal makes me think back to when life was simpler. It's also a great soundtrack to have on the go if you have to hammer out a slightly peeved email or do tedious, methodical work. Angry music results in furious typing and before you know it, the job is done.

Here's hoping tomorrow's sound is a bit more relaxed and mainstream! 

Tuesday 3 December 2013

Death By Desk: the slow demise of a freelancer

Winter, plus a desk job, equals a much unhealthier me. Although I'm a keen cyclist, I'm also keen to make more of my career and the only thing that could tear me away from being attached to my desk for 8+ hours previously was the prospect of going for a cycle ride in the sunshine. Now that's gone and been replaced with grey winter skies, I'm even less inclined to leave the comfort of my office chair.

Sadly, the reality of it is that if I don't get up and do some form of exercise, I will die sooner. Apparently. I particularly like this headline that Forbes ran: 'How To Stop Your Office Chair From Killing You'. It's just sensational enough and has caused me to view my own office chair in a homicidal light that I'd previously overlooked. How foolish of me. Everybody knows is was the chair, in the office whodunit.

Part of the problem is that it's ale season. Where in the summer months I was drinking light and cheery Pimms or G'n'T, now I'm indulging in frothy, filling ales. It's wonderful, it really is, apart from the fact that it's ale. And I'm not exercising as much. It doesn't take a genius to work out how "jolly" I must be looking at this time of year.

I'm a total desk jockey. Despite knowing it's bad for me, there will be days when I don't even leave the house. The furthest I move is from office, to kitchen, to living room and back again. They're all on the same floor, so there isn't even any climbing of stairs involved. This is very much an area of being a work from home freelancer that I hate.

For all of the stress it caused me, there was one great thing about working in the high school all those months ago: it got me out of the house and I was mainly working with the PE department, so I was super active every day. There are loads of naff sounding desk exercises I could do, but none of them really appear to be what I'd call "exercise". Stretching and flexing my feet or whatever is. If I'm going to exercise then that means getting the heart rate going.

With the view that I'd be writing this blog this evening, I did manage to persuade myself to go for a walk around the park on my lunch break. That kind of helped appease my concern about being slowly murdered by my office chair. Tomorrow I'm planning on going to a pilates class and on Thursday and Saturday I promise to go cycling. Will this be enough to offset my sitting? One can only hope that cycling in the cold will help to decrease my "jolliness". I'm confident that in many ways, it will.

EDIT
Had a few useful suggestions from friends on Facebook, so thought I'd share them here too, so you can make sure of them too.

Emily - also a writer - suggested the little and often approach. Try doing 10 mins of an activity like jogging, skipping, pilates, on the exercise bike each weekday. At the weekend do a bigger get out of the house activity. The beauty, as Emily says, is that you can really fit this in around your work schedule each day.

Gym-bunny friend Harriet - has a desk job - recommends hitting up You Tube for some short, power bursting exercise vids. Specifically she suggested the channel 'Fitness Blender' (sound violent!) as they do short routines that are ideal for home.

Any other good ideas, feel free to post them below and I'll put them up for others to benefit from too.

Does the porn industry really "trap" performers?

Everyone has got an opinion on porn. In early November, Jenna Jameson (one of the most famous and highest earning adult actresses ever) announced that she was going to return to porn. The reasons cited was that she was flat broke, had kids to support and going back into the adult industry was the quickest (?) and easiest (?) way for her to make bread money.

The majority of the press reports in relation to this news don't exactly paint a pretty picture (like this one). It plays up to the unfortunate stereotype so many people hold about porn stars: that they've all had "troubled pasts", are addicted to drugs and blah, blah, blah. A perfect example of this prejudice way of thinking is in this recent article by Morality In Media, which does it's best to paint a stifling, no-way-out picture of the adult industry and that it does more harm than good to women and their careers post-porn.

To summarise, it's basically saying that porn harms. Work in the adult industry at any point in your life and you'll be pretty well fucked in the future should you want to try your hand at anything else.

Thankfully, not everyone thinks like that and excellent site www.PVVonline.com offers an alternative view on the argument:

"This – “Halsey was able to get her real estate license and worked as a broker for 3 years until she was recognized and fired.” – is supposed to convince me that porn harms? No. All this does is convince me the we, as a culture and as a society, are a bunch of judgemental hypocritical assholes.

The harms of porn are not “well documented.” In fact, they’re not *documented* at all. To date, not even one study exists that connects porn consumption and/or production to causing “harms.” Whatsmore, even works that attempt to draw correlations between (read: possible connections with), say, porn consumption and socially undesirable behaviors (e.g. “sexist” attitudes) can be picked apart methodologically. In others words, the studies are done poorly and/or incorrectly."
Reprinted from Porn Valley Vantage/PVVOnline, copyright © Chauntelle Anne Tibbals, PhD (www.PVVOnline.com)

I particularly like the 'judgemental hypocritical assholes' sentiment in that quote (read the full article here). This is possibly because even in my limited time of writing about sex work, I have encountered people that dismiss porn as a profession. Apparently, I have been informed by people with "normal" jobs, because they work in the sex industry that's all they know how to do. The same incorrect ideologies are often associated with strippers, escorts and glamour models too, so I would extend this misrepresentation to beyond porn.

So, those porn stars, strippers and escorts I've met that are also trained teachers, nurses, authors, entrepreneurs, professional dancers and business men and women are making all of these other skills up? Because apparently if your first/current choice of career is working in the sex industry, it must mean that you're *unable* to ever do any other type of profession? That's just bull.

The problem arises, as touched on by Tibbals, is that once you've worked in the adult industry, once you've had sex associated with your name - whether that's doing it on film, privately with clients, or even writing about it - you're tarred with a brush by society.

Why is it so hard to move from the adult industry into another profession should someone choose to? Why can it not be like any other career move? If someone has made the active decision to say, "I don't want to work in adult anymore. Actually I think I'd rather go and work in banking/nursing/be a travel agent," why can they not escape professional prejudices in the same way someone would if they decided they didn't want to be a teacher anymore, but would actually like to go train to be a vet?

Even if their career history does come to light, why should that matter? Why should that mean they're not able to do their new job of choice anymore, even though they've been doing a fine and dandy job previously, just because before that time they decided to make their living by starring in porn? I don't get it. I honestly do not see the sense in that.

This stigma of, if you do sex it must mean you're lacking else where, just doesn't fly with me. Like I said, my experience isn't extensive, but as my freelance career continues so does the number of adult industry professionals I speak to and come into contact with. All of the "extra skills" I listed above are examples of what these professionals have told me they have under their belt as well as doing adult film.

So no, they're not just tits, pussy, dick and ass. It's not the porn industry that traps people in, or forces them to return; it's the wider professions and industries that keep these individuals out because of societal prejudices.