No Generation Can Own Sex

There are some things in life that really get your goat and last week I discovered a new one. It's a phrase that has the ability to make my blood boil and it goes something a little bit like this:

"My generation invented sex."

 

Now, there are clearly several things that are very wrong with anyone uttering this statement, but first let me contextualise the situation for you...

 

I attended a 'Slut Night', which was a group of women - mainly journalists - all sat in a room discussing the meaning of the word "slut". There were debates as to whether women should or could reclaim the word, the idea of 'slut shaming', the changed meaning of slut, celebrity slut, UKIP and sluts and slutty life experiences. The speakers for the evening were generally aged between 20 and 40 and the age of the audience varied widely beyond that, however I don't want to get hung up on age, although the woman in question who spoke the above sentence seemed to think it was important.

 

She was, by her own admission, living the dream of the sexually liberated 60's. Throughout all of the other talks given, she sat at the back of the room and chuntered and moaned about what these younger speakers were saying. Granted, no one could agree with everything that was being said, but then that's the point of a debate is it not? The problem was how dismissive she was of some people's experiences or understanding of the word "slut", perhaps just because it was different to her own. Under her breath, although loud enough for those sitting near her to hear, she explained how she "despaired at this generation" and our understanding of sex. Ouch.

 

So, although not scheduled to speak, she wangled her way on the bill. After the spiel about her being part of the 60s feminist movement, it was then she said, "My generation invented sex."

 

My palm hit my forehead and I let out a sign in complete, utter, despair and sadness.

 

Now you know the background, which is important, because although this is not a new phrase and people for decades have boasted that they "invented sex dhhaarling", it obviously had a lot to do with the manner, tone and environment in which it was delivered and that is what grates on me and that is why I think it's important not to sweep this under the carpet.

 

If people of one generation can think the experience of any other generation is less important or gives cause to "despair", and it's women judging women in this way, then I can not see how aspects of women's sexual revolution can progress further, because we have such a massive lack of understanding about each other and what sex means to different women from different decades.  

 

The statement is simply incorrect. No one, single generation can claim to have invented sex. They can claim to have discovered new techniques, new science or knowledge around the idea of sex that may make it better or worse, but to brazenly claim you invented it and whatever two people were doing before that involved them rolling around naked together in a state of arousal was something "other", because obviously sex hadn't been invented, is ludicrous.

 

Add to this the fact that it's condescending. By using this phrase you are somehow suggesting that the sex women are having today is less thrilling or incorrect. Shit, ARE WE JUST NOT DOING IT RIGHT?!

 

When something has been invented it is new, it's exciting, you put your own stamp on it. In fact, the woman in question did go on to say "there is nothing new, we did it all before" and that is just outright patronising. Yes, you may have done it before, you may have done it earlier, but every person - I'm speaking female or male, or trans or queer or asexual - has to come to their own conclusion and understanding about sex, what it is and how to do it. Sex is being invented or reinvented every day by every single person experimenting with it in their own manner.

 

A perfect example of how sex has actually been changed, or how one generation has something new or different to deal with is The Internet.

 

For those loved up, sexually liberated lot of the 60s, 70s and even most of the 80s in fact, they didn't have the experience of trying to get their head around how the Internet affected their understanding and exploration of sex. Connecting women globally it gave them access to information and images, some of it good and some of it bad, like never before. Sex on the Internet is an invention and through this invention it has changed the perception of certain sexual attitudes and ideas, such as the idea of slut.

 

It makes me sad that anyone would try to stamp a claim on sex in this way, or try to state that the experience of one decade, era or generation is more important to the movement of women's sexual liberation than another. You may not agree or understand everything that generation does, but it doesn't make it any less important.

 

 I am thankful for the experience of those that grew up experimenting in the 60s. I'm also thankful for the debates that were had in the 80s around Madonna or Boy George on sex and sexuality. I hope, good grief I really hope, that all of the writing, speaking, campaigning, documentary film making that my generation are doing now to ensure a bigger, better, wider understanding of female sexuality, will be of some help to the next generation and that everything new, different or changed that we have had to trial and error, love or loathe, will help them to go on and have better sex.