Everything that was wrong, and the few things that were right, with the VMAs

I haven't watched the MTV VMA or Brit Awards since I was a teenager. Back in the days when I dreamt of being a music journalist, regularly reading everything from Smash Hits to Rock Sound, TOTP magazine, Metal Hammer and Kerrang! I was proud of my music knowledge and it was second to none, so in true geek fashion I loved watching and speculating about who was going to win what award, then bitching about it with friends at school when clearly Boyzone were robbed of 'Best Single' by Westlife (or whatever).

Before we go any further I'd like to clarify that my music tastes have changed somewhat and I don't exactly keep up with pop culture as much as I maybe should, but I know enough to get by and am not completely ignorant to the charts and current play lists thanks to Radio 1.

Anyway, last night there was literally fuck all on TV, so found myself cruising the MTV channels and they were half way through a repeat of the Video Music Awards. It only caught my attention because Adele was performing and hands down she's one of my favourite artists at the moment. The VMAs also made for good, easy watching for my housemate who was doing her ironing so we left it on.

After Adele though, things quickly went down hill...

The first thing to go wrong was Justin Beiber. Just him, in general, being in existence. I despise that pathetic excuse for a teenager which such a vehemency that I could probably make myself spontaneously combust if I spent too long dwelling on the subject. I mean I know back in the day we had Aaron Carter, but I'm sure he was never such a cocky fucker. Anyway, I digress - what really wound me up that he won Best Male Video, beating Cee Lo Green and Kanye West's All Of The Lights, which I think is a much more interesting video that watching a fuck witted teenager play a love song on a grand piano in an empty theatre. Where's the originality people?! It sounds like something Wet, Wet, Wet would have done.

I was in a pub in Camden the other day and their tips glass had a note on it which read:

'Every time you tip, it brings Justin Beiber a step closer to death'

Dark I know, but I laughed, and I tipped (more than once - I may be broke but I know a good cause when I see one). I just despise everything he stands for and everything he does.

So that was the first thing that was wrong with the VMAs. The second was the cross dressing antics of Lady Gaga. Not recognising her at first the ironing housemate informed me that she now has this male alter-ego. Hmm ok. So lobster hats and meat dresses don't cut it anymore so instead she's going down the route of drag king for her next publicity stunt. Not sure how I really feel about this? I used to quite like Gaga's individuality, but now I think she just jumps on band waggons or treats things like fads until that's done getting the attention she wants and then fucks it off.

It doesn't help that this male alter-ego seems like a bit of a dick too. While watching last night I Facebooked:

'Watching the VMA's and Gaga is pissing me right off. Wtf is this male alter ego thing? It's like she's a cross between Mark Ronson, Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty, but without the cool. She's a bit of a dick really and amazingly irritating.'

She/he had this weird slightly drunk/stoned thing going on like she couldn't get her words out and it was just irritating and time consuming because she was neither drunk nor stoned. Twat. And twat status was confirmed when she handed over some sort of Michal Jackson tribute Achievement Award or whatever it was called, to Britney Spears, and then awkwardly tried to cop off with her.

Now that was one thing the VMAs got right, paying tribute to Britney because lets face it, she's had a bit of a shit time lately, but has done a lot for pop music. So even though I'm not a big fan, I'll roll with that and say it was nice they paid tribute for all she's done for pop music. It was soooooo tarred though by Gaga being a massive cock and putting her on the spot when clearly Brit is over the 'lesbian shock-value' stage of her career. Granted she played up to it for a minute but then snubbed Gaga and got on with her acceptance speech. Problem was Gaga wouldn't let it drop. Awkward doesn't even cover it.

So it was lovely they gave Brit and award, but not only was it marred by Gaga, but also they then got her to introduce and big up the next act, Beyonce. In reality Brit got all of about five seconds to say what she wanted before heading to autocue  and raving on about Beyonce, who as we all know dropped her big publicity stunt...sorry, news, that's she's expecting. Just thought it was a bit cheap that they did something nice for Britney but then managed to piss on her parade so successfully by getting her to introduce someone else rather than letting her enjoy her moment.

Perhaps I'm being too sentimental and that's just show biz?

The biggest thing that got my goat though was the Amy Winehouse tribute. It started off well, they got Russell Brand to say a few words about her, which I think was right as they were all part of the same Camden Town clique. Then it was great they showed some footage of new material she'd been recording just before she passed away and Amy sounded and looked amazing. Just as you remember her on the Back to Black album, but then after that it went terribly, terribly wrong.

As the tribute song they played Valerie. What. The. Fuck? It's not even her song, she just sang a cover of it, on an album full of covers! If anyone cares to cast their minds back it was actually a band called The Zutons that wrote and sang that track. Is this really the only song the Americans know Amy for? If so, then why bother pay tribute to her at fucking all if they're not willing to actually look at the scope of brilliant work that she actually wrote, composed and sang.

AND THEN to top it off they got Bruno Mars to sing it! Why of all the people would they pick him? Did they ever have anything to do with each other? They cut to a shot of Adele during this rendition of someone elses song in memory of Amy and she looked pretty uncomfortable. It's all showbiz, American bureaucratic bullshit. It's not like I was Amy's biggest fan, I admired her work and enjoyed listening to her music, so I just think that if you're going to pay tribute to someone you should at least have the decency to do it properly and have her remembered by something she actually wrote. Or if it did have to be Valerie for whatever licencing reasons could they not have at least got Mark Ronson to do it so it would be at least half the version she actually contributed to?

So much to rant about, and I only watched the last hour of it. Beyonce's performance was of course sterling, she's always good to watch, and then Lil Wayne rapped at the end of the show and took his top off, which at least gave us something pretty to look at. Unfortunately we had to mute him as every other word was being cut by the channel - presumably bad language - so it sounded like you were listening to a singer that was going in and out of range on his mobile. So two ticks in the box there.

I think what I can draw from this is that I've very much outgrown what fun kicks I got out of watching award shows when I was younger. Either that or I'm getting grumpy in my older age. In an all together different kettle of fish, it's the Mercury Music Prize soon, surely that'll fare better...

RoseC
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