I've been feeling a little bit stale the last few days. Of course, I'm not suggesting in a physical sense, it's not like I've stopped showering and left my hair to go lank or other parts of my body to go crusty - gross, sorry. In the writing stakes though, I just feel like I've come to a bit of a stand still.
After the pressure, adrenaline and all round fun and excitement of writing up my Big Commission and submitting it, then writing another (apparently) stellar feature for Adventure Bike Rider magazine last week, I now feel a little lost and in limbo. Currently there's nothing else major lined up and that makes me a little apprehensive. I need to get my teeth into something else HUGE.
Freelancing is sort of strange in that way, because when you get a gig it's all like, "Hurrah, this is ace, I've got a job for at least a month. Something to keep me really busy," and you know you've worked so hard to get the commission in the first place that it gives you a real high when you get the go ahead.
A month later, once is all done, written and submitted, then you find yourself back at square one facing exactly the same battles. It's this area of being self-employed that I sometimes find the hardest - staying that motivated and dedicated all of the time and I have days where I'm like, 'Ahh fuck it. Can a story just land in my lap today please so I at least earn something?' That rarely happens though.
There has been one little project that I edited together and worked on for the Vibrations Direct blog: an interview with a male submissive. It was really interesting to talk to him, like this is a guy that literally dedicates his whole being to his female dominant. He's not one of those chaps that pops off to a Mistress on the sly from his vanilla wife for a little bit of slap and tickle, he literally lives in service to her all of the time. Puts my sub tendencies into pitiful perspective. The interview is here if you'd like to take a mo to read it. http://www.vibrationsdirect.co.uk/blogs/blog
The rest of this week will be dedicated to getting my second big commission. I've got a few ideas to write up and pitch, then fingers crossed at least one of them will get the go ahead.
I think I'm feeling particular pressure because I have to move house in a months time. Inevitably this means finding money for a deposit, another months rent plus paying the rent on the place I'm already in, agency fees and then the overall cost of the house I'm moving to is really pushing my budget to the maximum. To say I'm shitting it and a little bit nervous about making ends meet is an understatement!
That's not to say it's not do-able (hello Mr Estate Agent if you ever find this before we sign the contracts). It just means I need to get my head down and really start pushing myself, even more than I am doing. If my fella heard me say that he'd probably ask, "How?" as he thinks I work hard enough already, bless. There's always more that can be done though and it's that extra bit more that I need to do.
*Sigh* I wish earning money as a writer was easier sometimes, at least for the next month or two.
RoseC (soon to be writing whore as will take commissions on anything!) -x-